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COPYRIGHT DEPOSrr. 



THE 

BUTTERMILK HOLLOW 
SURPRISE PARTY 

5tn Entertainment in <©ne %tt 



By 

FRANK I. HANSON 



Copyright, 1909, by Samuel French 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

26 WEST 22D STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street, 

STRAND 






iGl.D 17377 



TMP96-006558 



CHARACTERS. 



Rheuben Simpkins, the bridegroom. 

Sally Simpkins, the bride. 

Mrs. Sarah Sniffs, a middle-aged widow. 

Esq. Hanks, an old and popular widower. 

Betsy Ellen Crank, * 

a spinster and agitator of women's rights. 

Simon Peterson, a bachelor. 

Charles Brown,' 



Young married couples. 



Y Middle-aged married couples. 



Ruth Brown 

Jack Adams, 

Emma Adams, 

John Nool, 

Mary Nool, 

Hiram Green, 

Rhoda Green, 

James Perkins, 

Susan Perkins, 

Daniel Hinklev, 

Hannah Hinkley, 

Rosa Bascomb, ^ 

Lydia Kingman, [-Country girls. 

Anna Foss, J 

Frank Ames, ^ 

Silas Crosby, V Farm hands. 

Tom Smith, J 

Note. If desired more players can be employed in 
presenting this entertainment, the number depending 
on the size of the stage. However, it would not be 
advisable to have a smaller cast than given above. 

3 



COSTUMES. 

The general effect should be that of a rural neighbor- 
hood. The men should wear colored shirts and over- 
alls. Long-legged boots with trousers or overalls legs 
tucked inside. Broad-brimmed straw hats may be worn 
and should not be removed during the performance. 

The women should wear colored wrappers and white 
or contrasting aprons. Shawls should be worn in pref- 
erence to coats. Sun-bonnets make good covering for 
the head. 

Mrs. Sniffs. Black gown, white apron, white neck- 
erchief, black ruffled cap and handbag. 

Betsy Ellen Crank. Long curls with flowers, red 
or green gown with wide lace collar, white apron and 
handbag. 

Esq. Hanks. Long coat, high hat, white waistcoat 
and cane. 

SUGGESTIONS. 

The wedding presents should consist of a wash- 
tub, water pail, broom and other household articles. 
One of the men can carry a basket of vegetables on 
his shoulder, and a basket of apples could be brought 
in and made to serve for refreshments for the players. 

The songs can be rendered with or without music as 
desired. However, a piano would seem out of place 
in a kitchen scene, unless brought on to the stage for 
the occasion by the guests. The jig dancers can be, if 
good talent is not available, crude amateurs. Keeping 
time with the hands and feet and plenty of " swinging 
partners " would be consistent with the general theme 

4 



SUGGESTIONS. 5 

of the entertainment. The same can be said of the 
quartette singing. 

The orchestra should consist of one or two violins, 
tambourine or bones, and if possible a wind instrument. 
The musicians can be amateurs of average ability, as 
the music should be rendered without much reference 
to time or harmony. 

If more convenient, the scene can represent a sitting- 
room in a country home. A general hand-shaking 
with the bride and groom can replace the drinking, 
and an old-fashioned ring game can be employed in- 
stead of the dance at the conclusion. 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW 
SURPRISE PARTY. 



Scene. A New England kitchen with table, up07i which 
is a lighted lamp, in center of roo?n. Sally is atone 
side busily sewings cz;/^Rheuben sits at iJw other read- 
ing aloud from a newspaper. Suddenly there is a 
babel of noises outside the door. Bells should be rung, 
horns blown and drums or pans beaten, together with 
shouting. Sally and Rheuben spring to their feet 
i?i surprise. The door opens, and in walks Hiram 
Green, Charles Brown and Frank Ames. 

Hiram. Hello, Rube and Mrs. Rube! We are all 
here. 

Charles. Yes, we are going to give you a good 
old-fashioned time. I hope you don't object. 

Rheuben. Not at all. We are glad to have you 
call on us. Take a seat. 

{Enter Jack Adams with a wheelbarrow, followed by 
Esq. Hanks.) 

Esq. Hanks. As the most noted man of Buttermilk 
Hollow, it falls upon me to give all the new brides a 
ride in that old wheelbarrow. So if you chaps will set 
her in, I will do the rest. 

(Jack and Frank assists Sally into the wheelbarrow, 
and Esq. Hanks takes the handles. Rheuben 
looks amazed.) 

7 



g THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 

Esq. Hanks. Now you fellows jest take charge of 
Rheubie, and we'll begin ceremonies at once. 

(Hiram, Charles, Frank and Jack seize hold of 
Rheuben, put him into a chair and lift him nearly 
to their shoulders. Rheuben remonstrates with 
many words, and Sally excitedly cautions him not 
to fall. Esq. Hanks starts around the room, fol- 
lowed by the four men with Rheuben. The others 
then come in. and join the procession, each carrying a 
gift for the bridal pair.) 

Esq. Hanks. Now, boys, jest strike up the music. 

{All sing the following lines to the tune of " The Battle 
Cry of Freedom.'''' The procession continues to march 
around the room, with characteristic steps and ges- 
tures, while singing.) 

At last these two are married — 
They have courted long enough — 
So we are going to serenade them ; 
They have given us the slip 
When on every pleasure trip, 
So we are going to serenade them. 

chorus. 

Their honeymoon is over, real life has begun, 
They'll never forget this evening, for we're here for fun ; 
We are bound to raise Cain and we'll not be here again, 
So we are going to serenade them. 

They used to set up every night, 
And we think they did just right, 
So we are going to serenade them ; 
They fooled the old folks good, 
Everyone thought they would, 
So we are going to serenade them. 

chorus. 

{At the conclusion of the song the bride is assisted to her 
feet and Rheuben is released from the chair. The 
others place their presents at the rear of the room.) 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 9 

Sally {rushing to Rheuben's side). Rheubie, are 
you all right ? 

Rheuben. Yes, dear. Let's bring in some chairs 
for our company. 

(Sally and Rheuben bring chairs, and place them in a 
semi-circle around the room. In the meantime, the 
men stand awkwardly about, but the women appear 
very much at home.) 

Susan. She's got a lot of useful presents, anyhow. 

Rhoda. Yes, and I hope she makes good use of 
'em. Rheubie is too good a man to have a shiftless 
wife. 

Lydia. I wonder if she plays the piano ? 

Hannah. I don't know. She don't look over and 
above smart. 

Mary. You're right. I've been doubting if she 
can play- on a washboard, much less a pianna. 

Anna. She dresses nice. Rosa, did you notice 
how nice she's got her hair fixed ? 

Rosa. Yes, she looks as neat as a new shoe. 

Ruth. Mebbe she docs, but I see dirt under the 
table. {She peers under) 

Betsy. Of course she would have been better off if 
she had remained single. 

Sarah {with spirit). No, she wouldn't ! Women 
have no business meddling with politics and sich. 
Their place (she elevates her voice and right arm dra- 
matically) is at HOME. 

Esq. Hanks. Right you are, Sarah. Here you 
women are gossiping like a lot of magpies when you 
ought to be knitting stockings. W 7 e men can't get a 
word in edgeways. 

{By this time all should be seated. Rheuben, having 
put on a short white apron, brings in a pail and .a 

long-handled dipper. ■ Sally in a white frilled cap, 
follows with a tray of glasses, or preferably small 

tin dippers with a cord run through the handles.) 

Rheuben. Now, we want you to have a bang up 



10 THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 

good time. I've got some cider that was made day 
'fore yesterday, and it's O. K. 

Hiram. Let's give'm a toast, and, Esquire, you 
ought to lead off. 

Esq. Hanks. All right. Rube, you jest fill them 
dippers with apple juice, and we'll start ye off in life 
with best wishes. 

(Esq. Hanks takes his place in the center. Rheuben 
and Sally Jill the dippers and join him. The 
others stand.) 
Esq. Hanks. This is to the health of the hand- 
somest couple in Buttermilk Hollow. May they live 
long, and happiness be theirs. 

Hiram. For this couple I wish good luck — and 
thirteen children! 

Ruth. Here's to the girl that did not flirt, 
And she married a handsome man ; 
She expects to be a happy wife, 
But we are doubting if she can. 
Lydia. I hope beauty will not turn this man's head. 

(Rheuben bows and smiles graciously to Lydia, and 
Sally, slapping his ear, turns his head towards her.) 

Simon. Good luck to the bride in remembrance 
of her mother. 

James. Long live the bride and may she become a 
good cook. 

Jack. Potato bugs and bumble bees, 
Squashes on a pumpkin vine ; 
Bachelor ways may do for some 
But a married life for mine. 
Sarah. May she never have to chop wood. — I know 
what it's like. 

Silas. Long may be her days of bliss. 
The best I know is simply this. 

(Silas throws a kiss to Sally, Rheuben shakes his fist 
at him.) 
Rhoda. Here's hoping she will get lots of sym- 
pathy, for most wives deserve it. 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. H 

Betsy. Her happiness is assured if she stands up 
for her rights. 

John. I hope the bridegroom will not have to sit 
on the doorstep to smoke. 

Esq. Hanks. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this cider 
is evaporating fast. (All drink) 

Charles. I say, Sally ought to make a speech. 

Chorus of voices. A speech ! a speech ! 

{All are seated, but Frank, who brings forward the wash- 
tub and turns itbotlo7n up. Sally mounts the tub.) 

Sally. Well, friends and neighbors, I am awfully 
glad to see you, but it was such a surprise. You most 
scared us out of our wits. I suppose you want me to 
say something about being married. Well, we are 
happy as pigs in clover. 

Betsy. They all say that. 

Sally. Rheuben is awful generous. Why, just 
before you come in, he gave me two dollars to run the 
house for a week. 

Hannah. I hope you heard that, Daniel. 

Daniel. Don't you say a word, old woman. If it 
hadn't been for me, you would be an old maid. 

Sally. I am ever so much obliged for all the nice 
things you brought me. This washtub will work in 
handy, for it will take a week to get Rheuben's clothes 
clean. This pumpkin is very acceptable, for Rheuben 
dearly loves pie. 

(The men gives a prolonged " ah /") 

Sally. When he used to come courting, I've seen 
him eat three whole ones. I thought he would be sick, 
but he carried them off all right. I can't think of any- 
thing more to say. But I hope you are all having a 
good time, and will come to see us when we get all 
settled. (Bows to the guests and steps from the tub) 

Esq. Hanks. Three cheers for the bride. 

All. Hooray ! hooray ! hooray ! 

Esq. Hanks. Three cheers for Rheuben. 

All. Hooray 1 hooray 1 hooray I 



12 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 



Hiram. Well, Sally, you can talk first rate. Now, 
Jim ought to sing us a song. 

(James, or some other man, sings a comic song after tak- 
i?ig his place on the floor. He is applauded by the 
others. Rheuren passes a pan of apples or popped- 
co?-n among the guests, Sally hangs a dried salt 
fish on the wall near the front of the stage, and 
places a dish of crackers on a small stand be?ieath 

it.) 

Sally. Here's some good salt fish and crackers, 
and you can come right here and help yourselves. 

(After this the players pay freque?it visits to the fish, in 
groups of two or three.) 

Charles. I wish Sam Higgens was here to sing for 
us. He can warble like a bird. 

John. He wouldn't sing if he was here, for he is 
too mean to do anyone a favor. 

Charles. I never knew that Sam Higgens is called 
a mean man. 

John. Why, he's a regular skinflint. He spends 
twelve hours making money and the other twelve he is 
building a fence around it. 

Daniel. I can beat that all hollow. I went over 
to Jinn King's last week, and I heard a loud squarking, 
jest like a lot of chickens. Then I see Jinn with a 
handful of silver dollars and he was squeezing them so 
tight that the eagles was hollering like mad. (General 
laughter) 

Jack. That makes me think of Frank Clark who 
used to live in Elm Corners. He carries a bottle of 
glue with him all the time and when he gets a cent he 
dips it in the glue. Then it is sure to stick in his 
pocket. ( General laughter) 

Hiram. Them folks ain't half as mean as Hen 
Kimball is. You see, Tom Nute's cat went over to 
Hen's barn and caught some mice. Well, Hen is so 
danged close that he asked Tom to pay for them mice. 
Tom wouldn't, and Hen is going to sue him unless he 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 13 

puts mittens on his cat's paws, so there won't be any 
more damage done. {General laughter) 

Mrs. Sniffs. Them men may be mean, but not 
half as mean as the man that makes his wife cut the 
wood. 

Hannah. Or a man that will not milk the cows. 

Mary. Or one that makes his wife build the fire 
on cold winter mornings. 

Daniel. I think you women are going too fast. I 
believe in women's rights. A woman has just as much 
right to do the chores as anybody. 

John. Women's rights, you said ? Here's Betsy 
Crank, and she knows more about the rights of women 
than any other person. We will have her tell us some- 
thing about them. 

{There is a elamoi'ous request for Betsy to make a speech, 
and she steps upon the tub.) 

Betsy. The day is coming, :ny sisters, when the 
power of women will be felt. 

John. If it's going to be worse I want to die. 

Betsy. We have been held in subjection by man 
for centuries. Yet, because of their selfish nature, 
they do not thank us for elevating them to a fair stage of 
civilization. {Hisses and groans from theinen) We are 
born rulers. It has been well said that " the hand 
that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." 
The day is sure to come, ye women, when we will be 
fulfilling our mission on earth and become mighty 
rulers. 

Simon. O Lord, have mercy on us, if petticoats 
ever get full sway. 

Betsy. No one can or should dispute our usefulness 
in the world. Man, with his beastly appetite, {the 
men rubs their stomaehs and say " ah " ) and his total 
ignorance of cooking — they can't boil water — would be 
a helpless wreck drifting around on the shores of de- 
spair. Ye people, take away women, intellectual, su- 
perb, beautiful women, and what would follow ? 

Chorus of Men's voices. W r e would. 



14: THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 

Betsy. O, horrors ! {Runs to her seat amid ap- 
plause} 

Simon. I tell you, there ain't no flies on Betsy. 
Come, Jack, tune up that instrument of yours and play 
us a few bars. 

{Music introduced, but not the violin, which is saved 
for the. last feature. A lively jig is played. Some 
couple, preferably Esq. Hanks and Mrs. Sniffs, 
dances. The others keep time with both hands and 
feet) 

Silas. That's all right. I tell you, Esquire, you 
are the youngest of us all, and Sarah's as graceful as a 
goose. 

Hiram. It was deuced sweet music, too. But say, 
I'll bet no one in the house can tell why a horn-player 
never saves money. 

Daniel, I can't see why a horn-player can't save 
money as well as any other musician. 

Hiram. Perhaps he could, but he doesn't. 

Daniel. Well, let's hear you tell why a horn-player 
doesn't save money. 

Hiram. Because he blows in so much. 

Charles. Good for you, Hi. Who can tell me the 
difference between a morning-glory blossom and a 
woman. 

James. There's all the difference in the world. 
One is a flower, and the other is a person. 

Charles. But that ain't the difference. 

Mary. It must be because they are bcth hand- 
some. 

Mrs. Sniffs. I guess it's because they are both out 
early in the morning. 

Charles. No, you are all wrong, and I'll tell you 
the difference. A morning-glory blossom shuts up in 
the nighttime, but a woman never shuts up — . {Laughter) 

Hannah. You ain't forgot how to be smart. Can't 
you say some Mother Goose rhymes ? You used to be 
a cute one to say pieces in school. 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 15 

(After a considerable urging, Charles recites the follow- 
ing verses in a sing-song tunc.) 
Little Bo-Peep, so people say, 
Went out shopping for Christmas day ; 
She stole a little locket, 
And put it in her pocket, 
So now she has a little fine to pay. 

Little Boy Blue, with golden hair, 
Kicked his dog one morning fair ; 

Doggie jumped at him, 

With a savage vim, 
And his master has no little pants to wear. 

Little Miss Muffett, so IVe been told, 
Was an old maid and very bold ; 

She saw a little mouse 

At play around her house, 
And before another week her home was sold. 

Little Jack Horner went off afar, 
Drank some beer and smoked a cigar ; 

They made him awful sick — 

He lay down awful quick, 
And then he had to settle with his pa. 

Little Tommy Tucker from his corner seat, 
Threw at his mother a sugar beet ; 
She took him on her knee — 
He howled " O me ! O me ! " 
And Little Tom is standing up to eat. 

Susan. IVe thought of a good conundrum since 
Charles and Hiram told theirs. What do we see in the 
house that is like the sun ? 

Silas. I know. It's father. 

Susan. I mean s-u-n, not s-o-n. 

John. I guess it's new tinware. 

Susan. No, it's bread, for they both rise. 
( The women laugh, but the men are silent?) 

Daniel. It ain't much to see the bread rise. Why, 
I've seen water run and a cake walk. 



1(3 THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 

Charles. And to-day I saw the bark of a tree. 
Rhoda. You men folks are sharp as razors to-night. 
Lydia has learned a new song, and she will sing for us. 

(Lydia sings a song and is applauded. Rheuben and 
Sally passes the refreshments. General conversa- 
tion.) 

Esq. Hanks (to Mrs. Sniffs). Everybody seems 
to be having a good time. Let's we go over here and 
have a quiet chat. 

Mrs. Sniffs. With pleasure, Esquire. You know 
how to make one so happy ! (They take scats near front 
of stage) 

Esq. Hanks. It is just my natural way. I never 
could help admiring rosy cheeks. 

Mrs. Sniffs. You flatter me. I never was hand- 
some, but my conduct is the very best. 

Esq. Hanks. So it is. I call you an ideal widow. 
I suppose you get awful lonesome without your husband. 

Mrs. Sniffs. O, yes, but there is one consolation. 
I know where he is. 

Esq. Hanks. Well, my wife is in soft keeping, too. 
She has been dead two years, and I've grown twenty 
years younger. 

Mrs. Sniffs. You don't mean to say you are glad 
she's gone ? 

Esq. Hanks. Not exactly, but Mirandy was pretty 
difficult to get along with. She kept close watch over 
me. 

Mrs. Sniffs. I've heard Aunt Sarah say she was 
awfully jealous. 

Esq. Hanks. It must be so if your Aunt Sarah 
said so. Let's see, she was an aunt on your mother's 
side, wasn't she ? 

Mrs. Sniffs. Sometimes she was on mother's side 
and next time she might be on father's. It depended 
on who was getting the worse of it. She was a master 
hand to meddle with family affairs. 

Esq. Hanks. I guess all aunts are like that. Why, 



THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 17 

are you sick ? (Mrs. Sniffs grows weak and hangs her 
' head) Help ! Somebody bring some water. Some of 
my tobacco smoke has settled in her stomach. 

(Susan brings a dipper of water, and Hiram fans vigor- 
ously with the wash-board. The others get excited. 
She seems about to fall, and the Esquire catches her 
in his arms. She gives a deep sigh of relief i) 

Mrs. Sniffs. I feel decidedly better. It was just a 
faint spell. 

Esq. Hanks. Miranda used to have them spells 
about when she wanted to. There is nothing so good 
for 'em as a cold bite to eat. {They go to the fish and 
crackers and beco?ne so absorbed in each other's company 
that they are wholly unmindful of the others) 

John. I guess the Esquire will be getting hitched 
soon. He seems to take quite a shine to the widow. 

James. O, no, he won't. He's just having a good 
time after being bound down so long. 

Charles {going to Esq. Hanks). Say, Esquire, we 
would like to hear you sing. 

{After much urging from the others, including Betsy, 
Esq. Hanks sings some comic song with chorus for 
other characters. All applaud, and Rheuben waits 
up07i him with the pitcher. Sally offers to give him 
a "strip «?' the fish .") 

Esq. Hanks {mopping his face with his bandana). 
Somebody else ought to sing or do something. We 
must keep lively, for it will soon be time to go home. 

Hiram. We have the Buttermilk Hollow quartette 
here, and they will sing for us. 

Esq. Hanks. Good ! I claim to be a pretty good 
judge of quartette music. 

(A mixed quartette is introduced, after which the mu- 
sicians tune up their instruments.) 

Esq. Hanks. That's good, boys. Tune up them 
fiddles, for I'm anxious for a few steps. Gents, choose 
your partners. 



1 8 THE BUTTERMILK HOLLOW SURPRISE PARTY. 

{They form on for a quadrille, Mr. and Mrs. Simpkins 
at the head, Esq. Hanks a?id Mrs. Sniffs at the 
foot, and another at either side. If desired, a 
doubled set can be formed, that is, two couples at the 
head, two at the foot, and two on each side. They 
dance to the following calls, the others enthusiasti- 
cally keeping time with their hands : 

Address partner, turn partner, first four right 
and left, ladies^ change, all promenade, turn par ttier, 
sides right and left, ladies' 1 change, all promenade. 

Then the guests depart amid general conversation 
and 7u any "good-byes." 

The quadrille ca7i be omitted a7id the guests depa7't 
amid a ge7ieral co7iversation — good-byes — hand 
shaking, etc., etc., with a chorus outside the door 
which groivs softer a7id softer — leaving Sally and 
Rheuben sta7iding in center of stage as 



CURTAIN FALLS. 



■ropy ob ro cat cwv. 

NOV 27 1909 ' 



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